So thankful...

I had a dream last night.  No, no big Martin Luther King dream... well maybe...it was a dream that, for the second time I can remember, I woke up crying.  The dream itself is not the focus of my blog today, it is the meaning within the dream that holds my attention.  Thankfulness.  I, like many humans, forget that I am blessed.  I tend to walk around in the mess I've made of life and blame situations and circumstances, when it is really all my own fault.  God has to remind me sometimes, that I walk around in the mess but I do it with His grace, provision, and love.  I am blessed in my mess!!!

And really, is it such a mess? I mean, I look at it as such sometimes, but God is teaching me, showing me, that it is really sorted in a way that I just don't see the rhyme or reason in it.  But He is showing me and teaching me, that it isn't really a mess at all.  That He sees it, and calls it good - despite my mistakes.  Because He doesn't look down at me and see all that, He just sees the forgiveness He's granted me, and the grace I sometimes take for granted.

So today, I am extremely grateful for this life that God has given me. I didn't have to have it, you know.  My three beautiful, intelligent, and healthy children?  They are a gift.  My wonderfully awesome, loving and Spirit-led husband? Also a gift.  My family and friends that encourage me and lift me up even when I'm down or having a bad attitude? A gift.  The fact that I can go to church where I want, believe what I want, wear what I want, educate myself how I want... a gift.  I have air conditioning, a 3 bedroom home with 2 full bathrooms. I enjoy cable television, internet service, and hot and cold running water.  I have a cell phone... my kids have cell phones.  HOW AM I NOT BLESSED?!?!? How do all of these blessings mean my life is a mess?!!!??

I am thankful that I am alive today, and spending precious and valuable time with my children.  So many mothers and fathers are in prison, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or mentally incapable of being a fit parent.  I am thankful that I am alive today and enjoying a healthy relationship with my husband.  So many families are dysfunctional and distorted and not enjoying peace and joy like me. 

God, I thank you.  For every day, for every moment, and NEVER let me forget that I am blessed.  Wake me crying, and full of gratitude every day if you need to, so that I never forget again all of the wonderful blessings you have filled my life with.  Thank you, for loving me and teaching me what it means to truly have a thankful heart.  Thank you for joy when I want to get angry and be frustrated with things.  Thank you for peace when I want to have a pity party.  But mostly... just thank you. Amen.

My feeble hand at poetry

After its own heart…

Step away from the bar of life and see the full menu

Exit the darkness of lifestyles swamped with things and see the light bright world outside

Dark desires breed in the shadows of dimly lit rooms

Pain of sunshine, closed eyes against the rays of exposure

There is no hiding the persistence of lust

The indebtedness of society with their driven longings for all things possess-able invades your consciousness like an ill-tuned song

You can hear the beat but you can’t dance to it in the light of day

Outside the drumming and thumping present an annoyance that needs to be drowned out with goodness

The rancid rancor of the world leaves that metallic bitter taste in the back of your throat

Try as you might, you can not drown out the ugliness of it all

You long for a sweet cool drink from the water well of heaven

I cannot remember where it is

I just know it is out there some where for me to find

I do not know if I’ve had it before, but I can still remember the taste

The savory smooth sweetness of good things

Why do we long for things that pass away under the glare of truth

Why do we see only the lies that are colored so prettily with false rainbows

The promises that have no follow through

The half-answered wishes of the world

The dark bar and seedy life draws people in like droves of cattle longing for a lick at the salt

No one sees the beauty in the simple life

Days gone by and long-forgotten are the fairy tales for bed time stories

Memories are tainted with broken hearts and sour grapes

Take away the driving bumping hard core jumping of bad music

Sing for me the sweet melodies of violins and harmonies of my forefathers

The romance of lace is not lost or forgotten but buried under sheets of bad music

Remember me as one of these

The patrons of the past and lovers of the lore

Do not forget the love of others that came before

Remember them well

Strive to live your life patterned after the success of simplicity

The single staccato of one drum that beats after its own heart…

Pet peeve - bad parents

I don't get it.  As a parent given the awesome gift of a young life into your care how do you repay that honor with abuse or neglect?  I know a lot of people wanna look at me weird cause I'm a Christian and I choose to live my life by certain standards and that makes me an odd-man out.  I don't care about that.

I've heard and seen several instances of just plain bad parenting.  Leaving kids at home for hours at a time with no supervision, abandoning them with others for a weekend so they can go party and 'live'.  Then the obvious, dirty faced, shoeless kids at the grocery story wearing shorts in fifty degree weather.  The ones you just wanna take home, feed, give a hot bath, and hug on them for a little while.  I'm not known for being a 'softy', but I swear, if I had a house big enough and the money to support them, I'd fill my home with the kids no one wanted.

I'm in no way pretending that I'm perfect, or that I have some great insights into parenting that others can't have.  And maybe it is that God has shown me the value of life, and that each of us has this intrinsic value within us, and that value increases the younger we are.  God forgive me if I ever fail to look at a child and see anything but potential for greatness.

Bad parents are just those who don't value their kids.  Parents can make mistakes, mess up their lives and inflict pain on their kids, but children always forgive these shortcomings in the face of love and even without it.  Its when we stop trying, when we give up that its bad parenting.  We should never give up, we should always strive to do better and be more for the sakes of those that rely on us - we are their greatest influence in life.  God help me to always be the best I can be and to never give up on life and quit trying to be better.

Love you guys- don't stop trying!! Enjoy this day that the Lord has given you. ~ K.W.

Dear Mr. Darcy, are you real?

As a young lady growing up I was infatuated by the character of Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice.  Heck, there is a sentimental part of me that always will be enamored of Mr. Darcy and admire the hope within Elizabeth that things could be different.  As I watched my favorite Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth, as if that needs to be said) walk up and accept an Oscar I asked myself why was I so excited for him? CAUSE HE'S MR. DARCY!!!??? duh!  (btw, the best version of Pride & Prejudice is the A&E version)  He can play kings and fathers and whatever he likes, but Colin Firth will forever be my Mr. Darcy.  Jane Austen must have known as she wrote the book that her characters would impact the world far after she would be gone.  I wonder if she knew that girls and women everywhere would fall in love with her leading and fallible leading man, and that he would become an ideal much bigger than his persona. 

There is something so lovable about the man who was at first so arrogant and prideful about being a wealthy and titled man.  Despite all of his faults, you hope he changes because he was clearly meant for impoverished heroine, Elizabeth.  Through a long series of events that unfolds a little too perfectly for it to be believed, we see the metamorphosis of both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy into hero and heroine that move the reader and viewer into hoping that true love does exist.  That there is a Mr. Darcy out there for everyone.  But, is there? 

True love, love at first sight, Mr. Right, are these real things or just girlish ideals? Some of us married women would say that though not perfect, that Mr. Right is out there! You know, until he sleeps with our best friends or runs off with some secretary at work.  He might even become an alcoholic, or become addicted to prescription pain medications.  Has he changed? Is Mr. Darcy real?

I am so blessed to have my Mr. Darcy.  He is not perfect, but neither am I.  There have been times in our relationship that neither of us is proud of, and many that still hold regret.  There have been times that would have ended many relationships, but we have chosen to love each other through the hard times and we enjoy the good times with the same dedication.  Mr. Darcy is a character in a book.  The real thing is going to mess up, say the wrong thing, forget that birthdays and Valentine's Day is special for you, be grouchy, and even make bad choices with serious errors in judgment.  But he is real.  And if you chose him right, if he loves God more than you, if he works hard to support the family the best he can, then you probably have your Mr. Darcy.  If you don't have your Mr. Darcy, let me say this plainly.  The best advice anyone can give you ... is wait.  Know him the best you can and wait.  Make sure he serves the ideals that you do, make sure you support his dreams and that he supports yours. And love him, more than you love yourself, and you will discover what I have - Mr. Darcy is real, he is a flesh and blood man and he is shaped through time and circumstance and not by written words. 

Enjoy this day that the Lord has made, rejoice and thank God for all the Mr. Darcy's in this world.  I am so grateful for mine!! ~KW

Aspiring to greatness: is it vanity?

There are plenty of great men and women in this world who can be termed 'great' not because they were perfect but because of the things they overcame to accomplish their soul's passion.  Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, etc, all great people who will forever be remembered for their moral fortitude to never give up, no matter how hard it got.

Is it wrong to want that sort of achievement in your life? To want to be remembered for generations because you had the strength to stand when others couldn't is that wrong? Someone told me the other day that this desire was vanity, to want to be lauded for great works.  But I don't think you could have told a poor lumberjack from Nebraska that he would make such monumental decisions impacting millions of lives in his generation and those to come that he would be a groundbreaking moral man who stood for an unpopular and uncomfortable belief - that all men were created equal.  Not only that, but to make the decision that forced families against each other, tore lives apart and put the very country he was trying to help build into a civil war.  No, I don't think Abraham Lincoln thought he would be remembered greatly when he signed the Emancipation Proclamation. 

I'm getting nostalgic so bear with me, here.  I've long ago accepted the fact that my dad was a great man.  He's no Abe Lincoln, but he is, indeed, a great man.  I always thought it was fun when people said to me, "Aren't you Kenny Mills' kid?"  I've never once denied the fact, because I was proud to accept my heritage.  And I wasn't driven by vanity to have done so, but pride in that despite all the hard circumstances of our life, my dad never balked at making hard decisions, unpopular ones that often led to hard times, to follow God's will for his life.  And, in doing this, taught me that hard work and dedication to your life's passion was not vanity, but pride in the calling and gifts that are given to each of us by God. 

It could never be vain to want to do more and be more than the average.  It can't be wrong to want to push yourself to make your parents proud because you took their lessons of hard work and faith and put them into action in your own life - in fact, I'd say we have an obligation to make sure that all their work and all their trials and tribulations were honored in our victories.  This is what gives our lives meaning and value. 

I also don't think vanity allows for the kind of hard work it takes to achieve 'greatness'.  If you asked my dad if he were a great man he would deny it outright and probably cut a funny joke.  But, in doing so, it would just make him all that much greater.  Greatness doesn't applaud itself, it just is.  I think in this, as in all things, we can turn to scripture, "But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then." - Matthew 19:30 [NLT] Those who think themselves great are vain, because greatness does not come from within our thinking.  Greatness comes from what Jesus taught us in all the things He did, He served others with everything He did.  As did Abe Lincoln, as did Mother Theresa, as did all the others, they lived in service of their fellow man, and most often, in service of God - this is greatness.  This is what makes us all great in our own way. 

We may never have the occasion to sign a life altering law on Capitol Hill that will change the lives of millions for generations to come, we may never make a discovery that would alter life as we know it, we may never have to suffer so that others could know freedom, but we do have the opportunity every day to help those who are closest to us.  The homeless guy who you just had to stop and give $5 to the other day, and forgot about it - you are great to him.  The $20 offering to a missionary in Kenya - the lives who will come to know Christ through that offering are great! The prayers for others when they are sick, when you think it is a trivial matter - are just as great and important as when it is life threatening.  Everything that we do for the benefit of others is great. 

I'll stop now, and I apologize for droning on about this.  But I am passionate about it, because I want to live up to the legacy of my father and mother and my grandparents and live my life for God and to the service of His people.  I don't want to fade into nothingness and have my life meaningless and not tried to influence others to choose Christ and to never give up their faith.  No, I want to give hope to those without it.  I want to love those who forgot how to.  I want to give my heart and home to children that the world forgot and I want to do it all to the glory of God.  Oh how I don't want my life to have meant nothing. 

Enjoy this day that the Lord has made - and don't forget His greatest commandment - do unto others.  ~ KW

You deserve a break today...

I've been too serious lately.  I get like that.  It's okay, though, it usually doesn't last that long.  So today, in honor of President's Day, I'm changing up my usual blog to one of pure observation.

For those of you who really know me, you know I like to study people's behavior.  I'm weird like that.  The people I like to study most, though, are my kids.  Greyson, my precocious five year old son, is the point of my post today. 

Recently, Grey has become infatuated with beauty products.  I don't really understand this, but he likes the way they smell, and their texture.  It is an awesome thing to behold.  About a month ago, he came up to me in the house and gave me a hug.  I grabbed his face for a sloppy kiss, and my fingers encountered a waxy substance instead of his typical kissable cheeks.  Upon further investigation, it seems Grey felt that because Chapstick had been so beneficial to his lips, that it would work equally well on his face.  It was hard, I can tell you, to keep a straight face when he said, "It feels nice, though!"  It was quite hilarious and he and I and Jordan enjoyed the experience.  It was equally as funny a week ago.  We had just got home from a trip out of town, unpacked our things from the trunk in addition to a few groceries that we stopped and picked up on the way home.  We were tired... or so I thought...

I literally had just plopped down on the couch to check emails and messages when Grey walked up and asked for a snack. (His nickname is "I'm hungry!") So I take a deep breath, just wanting a moment to catch my brain up with my body and open my eyes and... there was something weird about Grey's hair.  For those of you who know him, he has a head full of gorgeous curly black hair.  But not today, it was... white.  Upon further investigation, it also had a creamy texture.  And it had a distinctly feminine smell.  So I ask him, calmly, what was in his hair.  "I don't know" was the cool answer back.  So, Jordan, smells the white creamy textured hair and exclaims, "OH MY GOD THAT'S MY DEODORANT!!" 

It is hard to correct adorable children.  Especially when you are so tired you are giddy, and having fits of laughter.  So I did the only thing I could do, I gave him a bath. (And took pictures for posterity, of course.)

I think there are times when God says to us, "You deserve a break today".  And when we are in the middle of a seemingly endless stream of stressful events, God grants us windows of fresh air to serve as a reminder of why working hard and striving for better, is worth it.  For those of us blessed with children, we get this.  For those without, you still get it - you usually enjoy laughing at us while we are running in circles with our kids.  We all have our own 'breathers' in life, no matter the source of our smiles.  Either way, it's ok to stop and enjoy the moment.  We need to really learn to live in those moments and never forget who gave them to you.  God sees our lives and knows what we need in them.  So laugh, smile, enjoy the gifts that God has given us all. It's the little moments that make the big ones that much sweeter. 

Blessings to you all today and don't forget to enjoy the day that God gave you! ~ KW

Priorities

As a lifelong member of the 'Chubby Girl Club', I've never known a day of being thin.  I used to despair over feeling 'thin enough' or 'good enough' and eventually the Lord delivered me of this.  Still, though, a good portion of my time was engrossed in what I was eating, what I was not eating, what I should be eating more of... I think you get the picture.  Then, when your time isn't spent obsessing about food, it is focused on exercise.  And the oh-so-tempting 'will this diet work for me'? Or 'is THIS the miracle pill I've been waiting for'??!! I remember a particularly despairing night when I was in high school, I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep because the guy I liked could never see me as girlfriend material and I remember praying to God, "You can fix this, I can wake up in the morning and be thin."  Innocence aside, it is true, God could perform that miracle for me.  But, of course, He did not.

This morning as I was making my spinach migas (very healthy, made with turkey sausage, email me and I'll send you the recipe!) - the Lord whispered something into my heart.  It smarted, because He loves me and is helping me be a better me inside and out.  But He said, "Maybe if you spent more time with Me, reading my Word, giving your life to Me, you wouldn't have wasted all that time worrying about things out of your control."  Then the Holy Spirit nudged my memory (it takes that, okay, I'm 39 now) and showed me how many times I've plotted and planned menus, searched recipes and ways to make them low-cal, low-carb, high-fiber, whatever - when I could have been spending that time with Him.  Please, don't get me wrong here, God wants us to educate ourselves, and be healthy.  He desires us to make good choices, informed choices, even when it comes to food we are putting in our bodies.  But, not at the cost of our souls. 

I'm not sure about any of you, but this is just an example of the things we put before God.  Things we waste our time in, that we think benefit us, when really, it would have been a greater benefit if I had sat down and read His Word and written that on my heart and not spent hours trying to figure out my body type! Why was I wasting so much time on such artificial fillers, when I could have drawn closer to the guy who made me? How could I be so unbalanced, to think that I could fix my body without fixing my heart and soul first?

I heard a speaker say that the Creation story is the perfect example of how God wants our relationship with Him to be.  When Adam sinned, God knew and could have swooped down and demanded justice.  He could have slain Adam then and there and spared the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus.  But He desired something more, something that angels could not give Him... relationship.  He waited until His favorite part of the day, the time when he would show up for His walk with Adam in the garden and He acted like nothing had happened.  And He would ask Adam "where are you? what happened?"  And even though He knew every detail, had watched the temptation and fall take place, He had allowed Adam to choose, and He knew the price of Adam's choice.  But, He wanted Adam to see Him, to choose Him, to want to please Him - He wanted a relationship with Adam.  How hard it must have been, to watch your creation drift away from you when you desire nothing more than closeness with it.   

All that time I spent trying to fix an outer problem was pretty arrogant of me.  For God was there waiting for me to fix the one that mattered most, my broken spirit.  He has been kept waiting, patiently watching me learn one hard lesson after another to wait for me to catch up to Him and the Truth - that all He's ever wanted from me ... was me.  Failures, imperfections, bad attitude (oh yeah, I do), anger, love of all things dark chocolate - all of it... He just wanted me.  It is hard to imagine a perfect being desiring such a communion with such an imperfect person as me, but there you have it.  He does.

For thirty-nine years God has chased me, pursued me like a dedicated and loyal lover - wooing my affections, stealing brief moments of love and devotion.  And today I saw his courtship of my soul with such heart-shattering clarity and truth.  Forgive me, God, for being so hard-headed.  Forgive me for allowing anything and everything to take precedence over the one thing that should have mattered most - YOU.  Help me to take every day and make it a priority for time spent with YOU and drawing ever closer to YOU.  In the end, Lord, I know that nothing else will have mattered, if I had focused on me, and forgotten YOU. 

Please, friends, don't forget that life gets busy, and it is easy to overlook the important things.  Don't let a day go by that you don't spend time with the One who created you and knew from before you were born.  While working on your abs, while chiseling your features, don't let your soul suffer.  In the end, your abs won't matter and your features are gonna fade with time, keep the soul in shape - it will be the thing that sees you through eternity. 

Take a deep breath and talk to Him - He's always listening and He desires all of YOU! I had a wise woman give me some great advice - "If you are waiting for perfection, DON'T." (Thanks, Terri!) God already knows how imperfect you are, and He still wants to hang out with you. 

This is the day that Lord has made, I will be rejoice and be glad in it - join me? ~ K.W.

What's love got to do with it?

Tina Turner's song aside, what does love have to do with it? What motivates us to do the things we do?

As a lifelong student of human behavior (that is often times bizarre at best), I've asked myself what was the motivation behind many of our actions.  As noted TV reporters ask stars what motivated them to become an actor it is most often recounted as a love of the genre, a love of being on stage, a love of approval and appreciation, a love of the material, etc.  Why does a single mother work long hours and go to school at night? most often it is love of her children.  Why does a parent give their child consequences when they misbehave? because they love their child and don't wish for them to grow up with bad behavior.Why do men lie about going fishing? because they love to go fishing. 

Love - the eros, romantic kind - what is it? Good behavior and bad alike, many of our actions are motivated by this emotion that has evaded proper definition by wordsmiths better than me.  The result of love's actions have been heralded in many form since the dawn of man.  Plays, sonnets, poems, movies - all showing us love in its different forms and demonstrating with no lack of eloquence or grace how love has shaped our lives and our actions.  People have changed around their whole lives for the love of one person.  To say that love is a powerful thing is understating the obvious.

How does love motivate you? How does love shape your actions?  I asked myself those two questions on my long ride home.  The long drive I made because it was Valentine's Day, and instead of staying a day or two extra with my parents, I decided it would be cruel to not be with my one true love, my husband, on this day.  A long-suffering romantic, I told myself my love for him drew me to his side, and his love for me wanted me there.  (Yeah, I'm sappy, admittedly.)  His joy at seeing me again was reward enough, and I was only gone for three days. 

But was it love? Was it a selfish desire to be with him? Valentine's Day is no great holiday and my husband and I like to think we celebrate our love all year long instead of just one day a year + our anniversary.  Was it my own need? or was it love that drove me home?

At the end of it all, I decided it didn't matter.  I would be a sad person, indeed, if I did not desire to spend every day of my life with the one person I've committed to spending my life with!  I also decided that because I did not mind this commitment or the work it involves (the compromise, the heartache, the frustration), I think this is love.  That despite all those things, I still wanted nothing else but to be with him on that day. 

My prayer for everyone is that you know the love of God, for He is love. If you seek romantic love, I pray that it is with a person who knows God's love.  It isn't a popular belief, but I believe that without God's love in the middle of the relationship and in the heart of both people involved, you are bound to suffer an unfair and painful end of it.    Matthew 6:33 [KJV] " But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Ask yourself today, what does love have to do with it?  Am I prioritizing my life right? Am I putting God first, and making Godly choices?  Am I wrongly allowing romantic love to influence the things I do and am I allowing that love to drive me to do things I don't really want to do? Be fair and be honest with yourself.  As always, I am here for any one who might need help sorting through these answers and questions.

Stop and enjoy your day that the Lord has made! ~ KW

I DO know all the answers...!!

The hardest question for any parent to have to answer is 'Why?'.  It can sometimes be frustrating and difficult to explain to a young mind, but even for a person of some years it can be just as hard.  If it isn't 'Mommy, why is the sky blue?' it's 'What am I going to do now that he's gone?'.  Or 'How do I get my child off of drugs?'. Or 'How do I pay for groceries when we have no money?'.  Or even something less threatening but just as important, 'Why do I feel incomplete?'. 

The limitless possibilities of those types of questions is boundless.  They are the questions in life that follow us through out our journey and stand before us as sentinels of time barring our progress until they are answered in some form.  They are universal.  Not one of us can avoid these questions because we have good looks, money, a great personality, or do good deeds - no, they do not discriminate amongst us.  Many of us will face many hard questions and crossroads in life and will face them with contempt and despise their presence and use.  Many more of us will try to avoid them by going around them but inevitably walk in circles, lost and wandering.  And yet still more of us, will simply stand there, admiring the choice, discussing it, theorizing about outcomes, planning a strategy that never gets implemented because we never simply make a choice or answer the question for ourselves. 

The truth of the matter is that these crossroads, the difficult valleys and mountain slopes that we must endure in life can never benefit us until we choose how to traverse them and then walk out that journey.  It is the person who stays stuck who never finds truth or happiness because they think they are successful having never lived for an outcome that is robbed of all real happiness and fulfillment.  They are the ones left at the starting gates of life while the rest of the world marches toward the greater goal. 

Controlled by the fear of making a wrong decision or fear of failure, they do not realize that choosing stagnation is the death knell for their joy.  And though they continue on striving for success, happiness, peace, love, joy, they go no where because they refuse to face hard facts, change bad habits that steal their peace, and confront painful memories to be able to embrace a fearless future that holds all that we desire!!

Instead, they find their fear comforting.  They will try to compensate and put their focus on something else, but inevitably they end up right back where they started.  Scared.  Too fearful to make a decision.

Today, I am comforted to know that I am no longer afraid to choose.  When God's Word becomes REAL to you, it comforts you.  Nothing else works but God's Word, because it will become the only truth in your life. And that is how it should be.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Or Psalms 40:5, "Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." [NIV]

God has a plan for us.  We should embrace it without fear of failure.  Whatever hurdles we face in life are never alone or without help.  He never leaves us or forgets about us, even when we mess up big time! And sometimes our mistakes help us to realize the magnitude of His love and mercy on us.  DON'T let fear keep you from choosing.  DON'T be handicapped by perfectionism and let failure intimidate you into stagnation.  Give God the glory today and choose you this day whom you will serve.  And everything else will be worked out to His glory and to your good.  Hold on to faith, pray His word upon your hearts and lives, and serve God with all your heart and mind. 

All the answers.... are Him.  It is remarkably easy to know right from wrong when you learn to put Him first, that once clouded pathway gets so clear.  Removed of fear and failure, you see the road for what it is - temporary.  Don't get stuck, get Jesus.  He is the paver of our road of life. 

Humility is not humiliation

A child cowering from a screaming parent.

A wife covering a black eye with bad makeup.

The inner pain a person feels after being informed by someone the love that they aren't 'good enough'.

This is not humility, it is humiliation.  Humiliation works in negative emotions like fear and stress and often covers a wounded ego.  Wounded egos can transform a person.  People will over compensate in areas of their lives, to cover the void in another - pride in one area, to alleviate the humiliation in another.  Too often I see women who strive for 'perfection' in one area, to hide their pain in another - most often with their inability to deal with the pain of being alone, so they always need a man around.  Bad men, men who don't deserve them, men who abuse them, because it would be more humiliating to their psyche to NOT have a man.

Humiliation makes people do crazy things, like lead them down a merry road of self-deception. I like to call it the "Scarlett O'Hara Syndrome".  You know what it is, 'I won't think about that now, I'll just have to think about that tomorrow'.  These people get too busy with life to address the real missing elements they have, so they deflect the truth with a drive to protect something else.  Like Scarlett, who never wanted to admit that Ashley Wilkes was a mushy-mouthed man who never truly loved her, so instead her attentions refocused on her beloved plantation and in doing so... over looked the real love of her life, Rhett Butler. 

The book I'm reading made the statement that 'humility is not humiliation' and 'God will never humiliate you to teach you humility'.  We should never mistake humiliation for something that is good in our lives.  Degrading experiences are not a message from God to say 'you are too prideful'.  Most often they are the result of others in our lives who cannot handle their own feelings of humiliation, and so they visit their own pain on us.  I've studied enough human behavior to know that humiliation is the key factor in psychosis, psychopathy, neurosis, sociopathy, etc.  Abuse, plain and simple, that is all humiliation is.  So know this, all good things come from God, everything else from the sinful nature of man.  We have a choice in regards to how we handle our own humiliating experiences.  Forgiveness for ourselves and others, talking it out with a supportive friend or professional, realizing that the people who abused us are not right - we are good enough, accepting our faults but loving ourselves despite them, just a few ways to over come humiliation in our lives.  Don't let humiliation become an unclimbable mountain in your life.  Don't let humiliation stop you from being happy, really happy - not the surface happiness you have to talk yourself into every day.  Be real, be honest, and find joy in knowing you aren't in this alone, someone loves you and will listen and care.  If you can't find that person, contact me, I'll do it.

Be blessed, and enjoy this life that God has given you.  ~  KW

Pride

Quoting "Character Makeover" ... 'Pride that attacks others is a judgmental spirit, one which devalues others by tearing them down.  You'll notice this in women who are critical, irritable, intolerant, argumentative, and self-righteous.'

I love this book! It is plain-speaking like myself, and doesn't color words so they seem more acceptable.  But I gotta say, today's reading really hurt.   I honestly was going to skip humility cause I thought I kinda had that one under control.  I don't feel entitled or arrogant about things, but this book has held a magnifying glass up to my soul and I see that I'm very prideful.  No excuses for having to compensate for past hurts, or abuses by others, none of that, all of my actions are under my control and I have to accept that I chose to react to situations in a prideful manner, because my pride was hurt.  It is hard to recognize that it is one area where I had not taken things to God and really left them at His feet in their entirety and REALLY forgave.  How very ungracious of me, and how very prideful.

I may stop reading this book.  Just kidding, I won't, but I won't lie and say this is easy.  It's only a few days in and I'm reeling from it already!! But, it is all about whatever it takes to make a better Kim for the kingdom of God in the long run, because it isn't about me at all but Him.  Lord, help us to take the spotlight off of us and put it back on you.  Help us to check our hearts for hidden pride that exerts itself in judgmental attitudes, self-righteous spirits, criticism, irritability, intolerance and an unwillingness to learn, change, or receive correction.

Now, if  you don't mind.  I'm going to log off and bandage my wounds, I know I've lost a pound of flesh today, at least.

Enjoy your day, cause it is a blessing to be able to wake up and live the life God gave you.  ~ KW

Frustration, what to do with it?!

I've been experiencing a lot of frustration lately.  But I am that type of person who takes everything with a certain degree of seriousness.  Which is pretty ridiculous, considering.  So I asked myself, what do I do with all this pent up ... rage? And God asked me, what is it doing there in the first place?

Don't you hate when God gets all up in your cheese-whiz like that?!?!?! Well, He was right, of course.  I have no right getting upset over little things that I should learn to let go.  If I'm not perfect, what business do I have expecting everyone and every thing in my life to be perfect? Arrogance.  I am truly learning about humility and what it really means.  Trusting in God means accepting life's imperfections and allowing my heart and mind to learn and grow instead of letting the circumstance rule my life.  The book I'm reading said that all that time spent worrying and being upset did nothing but steal happiness from my life, and it is so true.  Well, no more.

Worrying and frustration seem easy when you've experienced it for a while with a certain degree of consistency.  Accepting it as standard is a fault all my own.  We should choose daily to count our blessings and accept what is and laugh in the face of adversity while we enjoy our loved ones. 

Be blessed and live life to the fullest with understanding!

~KW

Character Makeover!

I'm reading a book titled "Character Makeover" and it is literally, a makeover of the your personality characteristics.  I've realized in my young age, that all of my 'issues' stem from a lack of real character on my part.  It isn't from a lack of teaching, or preaching on my parent's part but from my own inability to put that teaching into action in myself.  I don't know why I didn't, but for me, the why is not as important as just changing it.  So I press on to that good thing - change.


The first lesson was on humility.  I've always considered myself a humble person, but I see now, that it was a false-humility.  I'm not saying I walk around in a prideful manner, thinking I owned the world.  But I am learning that true humility comes from confidence in Christ Jesus.  While I have always believed IN Him, I have not always fully believed ON Him.  Truly, there is a difference.  This book is teaching me a lot.  True humility does not involve humiliation but rather a recognition that I am nothing without the mercies of God, and God does not teach humility through humiliation.  All the things I can do, I can only do because of Him - and humility comes from realizing that without Him, all the things I can do mean and accomplish nothing unless He is my purpose for doing them.  His love and mercies towards all of us should be our source for true humility.


I believe 100% that God is trying to bring me to a place I have desired to be for so long - in balance.  I've felt balanced on some days, but I strive to wake up and feel it MOST days.  I want to be balanced in all things, and leave nothing on the edges of the scale.  It starts with me, though, and it is more than just desiring to change, this time I am doing something about it.  That feels good in and of itself.

I am so blessed today! I hope you are, too.  Enjoy this journey of life, it is a gift from God.

~Kim

Fear of Success?

           Choosing to succeed can be a scary endeavor.  Taking risks with your life is not comfortable, and fear of success is palpable when your risks can impact loved ones.  More than this, though, is the realization that staying still and making no choice at all, is even more hurtful because you go no where. 

            Fear of success.  That phrase just sounds so ridiculous.  Who could be afraid of succeeding?! It is real though.  Success is just another word for responsibility.  If you open a restaurant that is successful, it becomes more of a responsibility.  You have to keep it that way.  You have to strive to make it more successful every day.  It becomes work. 

            So really, fear of success is just a natural inclination to be lazy and avoid the real hard work of life.  Putting your nose to the grindstone can often lead to scrapes and bruises on said nose.  It is probably a natural fear of pain that keeps us from the scrapes and bruises of failure that prevent us from persevering in success. Is it so painful?  I think the process of success is paved with failures that teach how to succeed.  We shouldn't be afraid to fail, or take it so personally.  Success and failure are often just one attempt away from each other.  What is the reward?  Seeing success in something you’ve poured your blood, sweat, and tears of repeated faulures into is rewarding on a deeper level than just mere satisfaction.     

               It should be easy to choose to succeed, and deep down, we all want that.  The difficulty lies in the follow-through.  The work is what keeps us from it.  Our level of dedication to doing the work required to truly succeed is what differentiates the famous from the unknown.  Getting up after failure has knocked you down requires something from deep within us that is unafraid to fall down more than once.  We have to want it.  We have to embrace the failures of our life to succeed in it.  We have to learn from our mistakes, no matter how painful the process.