Priorities

As a lifelong member of the 'Chubby Girl Club', I've never known a day of being thin.  I used to despair over feeling 'thin enough' or 'good enough' and eventually the Lord delivered me of this.  Still, though, a good portion of my time was engrossed in what I was eating, what I was not eating, what I should be eating more of... I think you get the picture.  Then, when your time isn't spent obsessing about food, it is focused on exercise.  And the oh-so-tempting 'will this diet work for me'? Or 'is THIS the miracle pill I've been waiting for'??!! I remember a particularly despairing night when I was in high school, I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep because the guy I liked could never see me as girlfriend material and I remember praying to God, "You can fix this, I can wake up in the morning and be thin."  Innocence aside, it is true, God could perform that miracle for me.  But, of course, He did not.

This morning as I was making my spinach migas (very healthy, made with turkey sausage, email me and I'll send you the recipe!) - the Lord whispered something into my heart.  It smarted, because He loves me and is helping me be a better me inside and out.  But He said, "Maybe if you spent more time with Me, reading my Word, giving your life to Me, you wouldn't have wasted all that time worrying about things out of your control."  Then the Holy Spirit nudged my memory (it takes that, okay, I'm 39 now) and showed me how many times I've plotted and planned menus, searched recipes and ways to make them low-cal, low-carb, high-fiber, whatever - when I could have been spending that time with Him.  Please, don't get me wrong here, God wants us to educate ourselves, and be healthy.  He desires us to make good choices, informed choices, even when it comes to food we are putting in our bodies.  But, not at the cost of our souls. 

I'm not sure about any of you, but this is just an example of the things we put before God.  Things we waste our time in, that we think benefit us, when really, it would have been a greater benefit if I had sat down and read His Word and written that on my heart and not spent hours trying to figure out my body type! Why was I wasting so much time on such artificial fillers, when I could have drawn closer to the guy who made me? How could I be so unbalanced, to think that I could fix my body without fixing my heart and soul first?

I heard a speaker say that the Creation story is the perfect example of how God wants our relationship with Him to be.  When Adam sinned, God knew and could have swooped down and demanded justice.  He could have slain Adam then and there and spared the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus.  But He desired something more, something that angels could not give Him... relationship.  He waited until His favorite part of the day, the time when he would show up for His walk with Adam in the garden and He acted like nothing had happened.  And He would ask Adam "where are you? what happened?"  And even though He knew every detail, had watched the temptation and fall take place, He had allowed Adam to choose, and He knew the price of Adam's choice.  But, He wanted Adam to see Him, to choose Him, to want to please Him - He wanted a relationship with Adam.  How hard it must have been, to watch your creation drift away from you when you desire nothing more than closeness with it.   

All that time I spent trying to fix an outer problem was pretty arrogant of me.  For God was there waiting for me to fix the one that mattered most, my broken spirit.  He has been kept waiting, patiently watching me learn one hard lesson after another to wait for me to catch up to Him and the Truth - that all He's ever wanted from me ... was me.  Failures, imperfections, bad attitude (oh yeah, I do), anger, love of all things dark chocolate - all of it... He just wanted me.  It is hard to imagine a perfect being desiring such a communion with such an imperfect person as me, but there you have it.  He does.

For thirty-nine years God has chased me, pursued me like a dedicated and loyal lover - wooing my affections, stealing brief moments of love and devotion.  And today I saw his courtship of my soul with such heart-shattering clarity and truth.  Forgive me, God, for being so hard-headed.  Forgive me for allowing anything and everything to take precedence over the one thing that should have mattered most - YOU.  Help me to take every day and make it a priority for time spent with YOU and drawing ever closer to YOU.  In the end, Lord, I know that nothing else will have mattered, if I had focused on me, and forgotten YOU. 

Please, friends, don't forget that life gets busy, and it is easy to overlook the important things.  Don't let a day go by that you don't spend time with the One who created you and knew from before you were born.  While working on your abs, while chiseling your features, don't let your soul suffer.  In the end, your abs won't matter and your features are gonna fade with time, keep the soul in shape - it will be the thing that sees you through eternity. 

Take a deep breath and talk to Him - He's always listening and He desires all of YOU! I had a wise woman give me some great advice - "If you are waiting for perfection, DON'T." (Thanks, Terri!) God already knows how imperfect you are, and He still wants to hang out with you. 

This is the day that Lord has made, I will be rejoice and be glad in it - join me? ~ K.W.