Many of you who read these posts know me personally and know I am not known for my patience. I can get frustrated, irritated, annoyed... kinda easily. Sometimes. Okay, more than sometimes.. but that is not what this blog is about!!! I've been asking God to help me with my frustration, in fact, I asked Him to CURE me!! lol Like I had cataracts or something, I asked for a healing! Know what He told me? Proverbs 17:22... A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
I've always heard the cheerful heart is good medicine bit, growing up in church and all. But the crushed spirit dries up the bones?! WHAT?!? And God proceeded to tell me that all of those things I was allowing to irritate, frustrate and annoy me... were crushing my spirit!! Yeah, I was pretty shocked to, let me tell ya!! But then I thought about it... and He's right. I mean, these things, these little things, were affecting me to the point that sometimes I'd allow anger to control my emotions and I'd ... ya know... slip a word. I'd always feel immediately sorry I did it, and I'd be amazed that it could happen, cause I don't use those... words... but it would happen! Cause my spirit was crushed by the world and the circumstances I was facing.
So God took me back to Psalms 16:8, I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Apparently, I had moved so far away from God, the world was shaking me; shaking me with frustration, irritation.. in short.. stressing me out so much I lost my faith, for however short a time, to sin. WOW! Me, I did that!! So, being contrite and humble, I asked God how could I stop this nasty pattern from repeating in my life. And He told me, laugh at yourself. Laugh at the situation. Just.. laugh. My anger wasn't going to move AT&T to get what I needed the other day. Instead of losing myself over stuff I couldn't control, I needed to just laugh. Sounds ridiculous. At least to these mortal ears! So I tried it today. Know what? It worked.
Some of you know I've been having internet issues, where it would just shut off randomly.. usually in the middle of something important. Anyway, after literally 3 months of fighting with AT&T over the issue I switched to Time Warner cable (whom I love, btw). After getting everything installed last week (that took over 3 hours, I'd like to point out), the installer left me with the wrong modem. So I go to the TW office and the guy tells me he is going to have to charge me for the correct modem... normally, at this point, I'd use my best "Dad" voice to inform him that ain't happening, etc. Instead, I smiled, genuinely, and laughed. Not a 'in your face that ain't happening' laugh, but a real small laugh. Immediately, before I can say anything, the guy says, 'You know what, mam? We should have taken care of this when we installed, let me get your modem for you.' And on top of that, I got a free wireless router! I tell you folks, laughter IS a medicine.
Life is made so much easier when you just obey God. I have been making life so hard on myself by complicating things with my anger and frustration. When all I had to do was laugh!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Prepared for pain!
HAH! Oh boy, its amazing how God does stuff. He wakes me up with the thoughts on emotional pain last night and lo and behold... I get slammed! I didn't know He would prepare me for it first, He's amazing! Funny sense of humor... but amazing! haha
I'm determined in my heart to live over this pain though. I've already lived too much of my life with pain, letting it guide me and influence me. Maybe I'm too old and too stubborn to let it control me anymore, but I won't let this pain do to me what it has done in the past. Even though I'm hurting, I won't allow it to separate me from the mission that God has placed me on this earth to perform. And, who knows? Maybe this is God's way of freeing me up to do what He sent me to do. Or freeing me to do what I've always wanted to do - write.
Its funny, I was just extolling to my very talented and creative children about the passion to follow your dreams. It seems that life has always gotten in the way of my passion for writing and my dream of being a published author. Maybe this 'free time' will allow me the honor of pursuing it with some real vigor. We shall see... All I know is that I have a lot to do, a lot of work to get done for the Kingdom... and I can't lose sight of that for anything .. not even a little pain. I'm blessed though, because I have so many friends and loved ones in my life who encourage me and lift me up. I would be empty without you all, because you love me with God's love and it is a well of hope and strength when I'm feeling lost. God uses us all to minister to one another even when we don't know it!
Trust God. Trust that He knows every curve in the road and every bump along the way. Trust that He's prepared you, knows your ins and outs, knows your fears and sees every tear. Trust Him when you don't know what else to do.
Be strong in the faith and trust God to lead you away from your pain.
~ Kim
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Pain...
It's late and I am awake... again. I've been meaning to write again for some time and just didn't find the time to do this adequately. My Aunt Myra (love you!) asked me to keep on writing cause she enjoyed reading it, and I haven't forgotten about her! So if you don't like this one, you can blame her!! =)
Pain sucks. I could stop there and have said a mouthful and it would be agreed universally. But there is always more to it.. pain isn't simple. It is complex. It can be sharp and brief, but excruciating. It can be drawn out and almost numbing, and last for decades. It can morph into a myriad of other complaints and symptoms to hide itself, but it never goes away and is the root of all other ailments. Of course, I'm speaking of emotional pain as well as physical. Physical pain can be treated and dulled, and in time, will almost always dissipate or be cured. Emotional pain is not always so simple.
What is a good way to treat it, then? First thing, you have to admit you hurt. That's always the place to start healing, identifying the hurt. Its why doctors do an examination, to make sure they know the source of the problem, where the pain is coming from. For some of us, we can take others back to the time and place of our pain and describe it in detail. For others it is a lifetime of layers of bad-timing and missed opportunities. Plain and simple, if you draw breath, you have experienced emotional pain. Pain is no respecter of persons. Pain doesn't care if you are rich or poor, have a nice house or no house at all... it strikes cause we feel.
Feelings. The root of emotional pain that psychologists try to get you to talk about... your feelings. Feelings are that thing that make some men squirm and some women grab a bag of popcorn and a girlie movie. We like them when they are pleasant... gorgeous day, paid bills, romantic dates, happy healthy babies, success in life. But things go bad... debt collectors, fight with the spouse, sickness, lost a job... and pain takes a driver's seat because you are no longer using your wisdom to steer your choices but allowing your pain to control your actions. God has been dealing with me a lot about how I respond to life's bumps and bruises.
Now, I'm not a self-hater so bear with me. But I've been known to be a tad quick-tempered. Having kids and my temper in the same house is sometimes a fire waiting for the gasoline. But I believe God has tempered me a lot in that regard over the years. In fact, depending on who you ask, I'm pretty laid back with the kids now (they might not agree!). For years, I allowed pain to control what I did. I ate to hide the pain of being lonely, it wasn't easy being a preacher's kid who moved every 2-3 years, its pretty hard to keep friends that way, too. I allowed pain to control my actions and not use the wisdom I had to say 'HEY! CUT IT OUT!'. When are we going to admit we have pain, and let God take control instead of being led by our emotions?
Easier said than done... I'm a woman. We feel everything!! We feel everything too much. The Lord wants me to be balanced and I've been striving for balance for a few years now. This isn't easy for me, okay!! =/ But He told me that with balance, with Him, I can have peace. Instead of fear or pain or hurt driving me mad in this world, I can have sweet peace, with a side of joy, followed by a blanket of grace. I can smile when the world says to cry. I can laugh when everyone complains. I can shrug off what buckles millions.. because I didn't let my pain control me... I allowed God to be.. GOD. I let Him guide me with His wisdom, and not let pain speak out of turn. I have learned to stop and pray before I make decisions. I try to listen to my husband instead of shutting him up. I'm not perfect, okay! I slip and fall. But God always picks me up and puts me back on the right path again. I'm learning the right way to go about life, and its never to late or to early to learn that.
He's got a lot of work to do, but "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it" (Philippians 1:6, paraphrased). I believe He can because He has already done so much! I can't give up now, and neither should you.
As my sweet dear husband says ~ stay golden ~!
Pain sucks. I could stop there and have said a mouthful and it would be agreed universally. But there is always more to it.. pain isn't simple. It is complex. It can be sharp and brief, but excruciating. It can be drawn out and almost numbing, and last for decades. It can morph into a myriad of other complaints and symptoms to hide itself, but it never goes away and is the root of all other ailments. Of course, I'm speaking of emotional pain as well as physical. Physical pain can be treated and dulled, and in time, will almost always dissipate or be cured. Emotional pain is not always so simple.
What is a good way to treat it, then? First thing, you have to admit you hurt. That's always the place to start healing, identifying the hurt. Its why doctors do an examination, to make sure they know the source of the problem, where the pain is coming from. For some of us, we can take others back to the time and place of our pain and describe it in detail. For others it is a lifetime of layers of bad-timing and missed opportunities. Plain and simple, if you draw breath, you have experienced emotional pain. Pain is no respecter of persons. Pain doesn't care if you are rich or poor, have a nice house or no house at all... it strikes cause we feel.
Feelings. The root of emotional pain that psychologists try to get you to talk about... your feelings. Feelings are that thing that make some men squirm and some women grab a bag of popcorn and a girlie movie. We like them when they are pleasant... gorgeous day, paid bills, romantic dates, happy healthy babies, success in life. But things go bad... debt collectors, fight with the spouse, sickness, lost a job... and pain takes a driver's seat because you are no longer using your wisdom to steer your choices but allowing your pain to control your actions. God has been dealing with me a lot about how I respond to life's bumps and bruises.
Now, I'm not a self-hater so bear with me. But I've been known to be a tad quick-tempered. Having kids and my temper in the same house is sometimes a fire waiting for the gasoline. But I believe God has tempered me a lot in that regard over the years. In fact, depending on who you ask, I'm pretty laid back with the kids now (they might not agree!). For years, I allowed pain to control what I did. I ate to hide the pain of being lonely, it wasn't easy being a preacher's kid who moved every 2-3 years, its pretty hard to keep friends that way, too. I allowed pain to control my actions and not use the wisdom I had to say 'HEY! CUT IT OUT!'. When are we going to admit we have pain, and let God take control instead of being led by our emotions?
Easier said than done... I'm a woman. We feel everything!! We feel everything too much. The Lord wants me to be balanced and I've been striving for balance for a few years now. This isn't easy for me, okay!! =/ But He told me that with balance, with Him, I can have peace. Instead of fear or pain or hurt driving me mad in this world, I can have sweet peace, with a side of joy, followed by a blanket of grace. I can smile when the world says to cry. I can laugh when everyone complains. I can shrug off what buckles millions.. because I didn't let my pain control me... I allowed God to be.. GOD. I let Him guide me with His wisdom, and not let pain speak out of turn. I have learned to stop and pray before I make decisions. I try to listen to my husband instead of shutting him up. I'm not perfect, okay! I slip and fall. But God always picks me up and puts me back on the right path again. I'm learning the right way to go about life, and its never to late or to early to learn that.
He's got a lot of work to do, but "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it" (Philippians 1:6, paraphrased). I believe He can because He has already done so much! I can't give up now, and neither should you.
As my sweet dear husband says ~ stay golden ~!
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